Sydney Sun 16th July 1916
From the Kearney Files
SPEED
Mr. Chalmers Kearney, formerly of Melbourne, has a scheme for a tunnel mono-rail from Molson's Point to the Central Railway Station, the whole journey (with three stops) occupying six minutes.
I like the glad notion of fast locomotion--of pace inexpressibly squiffy;
Just a roll and a run and before you've begun you are there in the tenth of a jiffy.
Were I an inventor I'd plunk a dead centre each time with a shot at a railway;
For of things that befall the most deadly of all is to move in the old and stale way.
Our political midges keep talking of bridges with occasional mention of tunnels,
Yet the Noah's Ark punt keeps its nose to the front and the ferries spit smoke from their funnels;
And the betting is fifty to one that a thrifty and stoney - broke Premier will slacken
And grow very cold on his promises bold 'tis the punt we shall find ourselves back in.
When the thing has been started you'll see him faint - hearted and flopping in attitudes funny;
His backbone won't stiffen -- the straight Norton Griffin will be that he hasn't the money.
'Tis a pessimist squeaking; but pardon plain speaking; if the pill hasn't got any gilding,
I have lived fifty years in this valley of tears, and the bridge is a long time in building.
Through a whole generation the Point to the Station has been an unspeakable journey,
And although I should go bust, I cannot put trust in the projects of Holman or Kearney.
I guess that King Billy, whose naval flotilla consisted of logs that he swam on,
Got over the space at as lively a pace as the teams and the ferries we jam on.
O it makes you feel yearney to read about Kearney -- six minutes to go through the city!
Were his railway at work you could slip up to Bourke for your lunch -- if you like your lunch gritty.
You could strike Brewarrina 'twixt luncheon and dinner and take a brief glance at the shoe there,
And still speeding up, down in Melbourne you'd sup -- if anyone wanted to go there,
But it's only a vision of mirth and derision, you see it all dimly and thickly,
For now we've found out beyond a shadow of doubt that in Sydney we'll never move quickly.
When the Trump blares appalling we'll still be found crawling up ramps at the end of our journey.
And explaining his stunt to some chap on the punt you will probably see Mr. Kearney.
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